you guys have no idea how scary this is for me…
I drew every day of my life from about 5 years old until I was 20. the last 5 or 6 years of that time I drew/painted upwards of 6 or 7 hours a day and the last few it was easily 12 hours a day. At 20 years old I stopped cold. I took a 12 year break (that is a much longer story than I care to type out—ask me if you are interested) and started again last fall, only this time it is just once a week for about 3 hours. needless to say I am rusty, I could draw better at 17 than I do now at 33. I am also a bit insecure about the whole thing—I always was.
That is the only reason I am posting these today. For years I hid my work, I was ashamed of it. the problem was that my entire identity was built around my ability to make art so I was afraid to make something ugly, I was afraid I would make something stupid and therefore I would be reveald as ugly and stupid, the jig would be up and I would be seen as a fraud, the product of too much praise and boasting at a young age—I had to maintain the reputation of talent but was deathly afraid I didn’t actually possess any. I may be able to draw slightly better than the average joe but I am no master and my perfectionistic expectations stunted my artistic growth and so for years I was paralized by my insecurity.
In many ways that is still the case; the difference now is that my identity has nothing to do with being able to do anything, be it art, or anything else. It is nice to be freed from having your identity tied to your performance. (there is a sermon in here somewhere) So I have decided to do the thing that scares me most and show some of the drawings that I’ve done over the last few months. Not because I am proud of them but because I want to improve, I can’t do that if I am fearful, if I hide my work and insualte myself from critique—so please have at it—post your crit—It’s good for me. Not to mention, it just feels wrong hiding something that brings me so much joy—no matter what the drawings look like.
so here it goes…
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